It's been confirmed today that about 99% of the internet is now unusable, thanks to the slow overtake of online bots meant to advertise various items, waste the time of users, and in some cases, even promote malignant viruses aimed at taking over the accounts and devices of once-real users. As such, most of the population has moved to other means of communication. Once a basically extinct job, the world has seen a meteoric rise in "carrier birds"-- animals which are trained to fly across vast distances in order to deliver messages. Some have opted for the plain-old "pony express", in order to communicate with loved ones. Riders deliver mail via horse, as the name would imply, and innovations in breeding have enabled the animals, who use to take weeks and months to deliver, to facilitate even cross-country mail delivery in just a week or so. This is, in this author's opinion, a useless endevor as vehicular travel has not ceased and therefore is clearly a superior method for information spread. However, it's in the nature of humanity to find a funnier way to do things, and since it allows employment for those who enjoy riding, this author supposes that it's not harming anyone and should thus be considered a valueble method of information spread.

Who really cares anyway? If my grandma wants to wait a week for her letter to be delivered when a car could take a quarter of the time, who am I to shake my head? We've all got our own useless ways to pass the time anyway-- hell, here I am writing this article that, by the very nature of it being online, won't even be read by anyone anyway. Isn't that a waste of time too? Isn't there something better I could be doing with my life? Evidently not. Well, anyway. I saw a bird outside my window this morning, and that was pretty nice. You never think about birds until you see them, or hear them, I suppose. Does anyone even read these articles anymore? Aren't I writing to no one at all? Or, rather, something like 10% one at all. Regardless, reader, I'm hoping that someone will be able to access my work at some point.

Gallon milk

Sugar

Jar salt

Towels

Butter

Sandwich bread

Man, who's even reading this anyway? My boss doesn't even show up to meetings anymore, says it's better that I just do my own work. Well, here's my own work for you: Nothing! I'm done writing this. No one's even gonna read it anyway, so what's the point? There is none. The end!